Afternoon Crap

Morning Crap: on beer.

after — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 13:58:14 +0000

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink his beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

Babe Ruth

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“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

Lyndon B. Johnson

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“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

Paul Horning

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“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”

H. L. Mencken

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“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”

George Bernard Shaw

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“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

Benjamin Franklin

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“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

Dave Barry

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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!

W. C. Fields

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Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.

Professor Irwin Corey

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To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group Salvation in a can!

Leo Durocher

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One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the” Buffalo Theory” to his buddy Norm:

“Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

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Awesome Cash4Gold Cease and Desist letter

after — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:31:13 +0000

I just want to see the original request that combines a pilgrimage in Tibet, a quadriplegic hooker in Singapore, Hammertime lovemaking and Ed McMahon hosting a birthday party at McDonalds.

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BP: How it all happened – must watch video

after — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:09:09 +0000

BP Parody

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I don’t know why but this cracks me up

after — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:15:54 +0000

Thanks to http://pictures.todaysbigthing.com/2009/10/05

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A Little Known Michael J. Fox Classic

after — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 01:53:54 +0000

The Iceman Hummeth – a fantastic short by Michael J. Fox. I haven’t seen this in a few decades. This is why web video is great.

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Too Cool - Does Vincent Cassel really do that?

after — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:06:04 +0000

The Laser Dance from Ocean’s 12 with La Caution’s A La Mente

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An Important PSA on Legalizing Mushrooms

after — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:48:51 +0000

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

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Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are wandering home…

after — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:41:27 +0000

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Sacha Baron Cohen Bruno Movie Video

after — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:53:25 +0000

Warning: Not Safe for Work

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America supports legal pot?

after — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:27:50 +0000

Here’s a serious policy issue for readers of Afternoon Crap. Apparently, support may for legalizing mary jane may overtake the opposition. Perhaps we owe Michael Phelps a bit of thanks?

From http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/02/americans-growing-kinder-to-bud.html

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